Shit happens

Haven’t written here for a while. A lot has happened, but there’s just one major thing on my mind right now. My girlfriend just broke up with me like an hour and a half ago. LOL. We went out for exactly one week, i asked her out at around 10 pm last Friday, and now she broke up with me this Friday at 11pm again. LOL. Oh well…

I guess you could say that I crashed and burned, since when I asked her out, i said, “Let’s just give it a try, huh?”. So we did, and she said it didn’t work out. I jumped, flew, then crashed back down again. Heheh.

She said it was because she couldn’t find a connection between the two of us. That’s actually quite a generic breakup excuse. That’s the only thing i don’t appreciate. My ego took a bit of a hit from that. Generics are usually left for those that don’t matter that much. But I’m actually somewhat indifferent right now. Heh.

I pretty much am just going to pick myself up and move on. What’s unlucky though is that she had to do it tonight… I have four deadlines tomorrow and two chapters worth of notes, which i still have to make. This is just more on my plate right now, which i don’t need, by the way. I’m so close to the edge from the stress, plus this. I just might go over it, you know? I just might relapse  into my old ways. Too much pressure and the dam WILL break…

I remember those old days, before my Bohemic romanticism phase I’m in right now. I’ve tried being the nice guy now, being the romantic sweetie, but it got me jack shit. The old me wanted something different, and actually got it. So, maybe, just maybe, i might go back. I changed… I can change back too.

I wouldn’t say I was happy when I was the old me, but I was satisfied. Now, with all this Idealisticism, I feel empty and left behind by it. I put my faith in Idealism, and I got nothing from it. When I put my faith into slefish materialism, some time ago, I got what I wanted, and was sated…

So, the conundrum is, stay the way I am, the romantic idealist with nothing, or the selfish materialist who can satiate his wants… The idealist is morally correct, mostly, while the materialist is indiffrent about ethics. Neither bad nor good, just doing what i need to do to get what i want.

What is it going to be? Old me, or New and Current Me? I must sleep and consult my spritual twin.